24.9.12

understanding the understandable

Well.. I don't know where to start , or why did I choose English, but I have to cut the confusion
People -actually 2 persons- told me that I have a writing style , or  something that I can write about , but it's strange to know that you have a writing style and you can't even talk , or organize your thought to put it in a Blog or some note , for someone to read and understand and actually get a benefit from it, my biggest problem till now -in my personality- is my uncontrolable ability of making people understand me in some unmeant ways. Then, I figure out, that it's about what I say , it's understood by a direct ways which I don't mean but it's taken like that , it's frustrating not being understandable, then you decide to shut your mouth and don't speak unless you have saved those word from before, but life can't be lived like that , you have to react with the situation as it is. Well I haven't read much but I take some tours on some unknown Blog and I think like "what the hell am I doing , is this thought deserve to be published ",I take it easy and keep writing and publishing, what ever , maybe a little fear because some people who you know .. you may make a counting that some one you know is watching you... you get afraid that an impression for you is made for someone you know , and you are afraid to change it , sometimes I feel I want to be understandable ,and I talk and not care if they understood right or not , I don't have to explain everything any ways , whoever understands me right can hate me or like but who doesn't , don't judge me , I don't know where is this leading to, but lots of things in my life or -in my head - that I wished to be different but it cant change in a night and a day, or in one year or two , it need practicing and learning what people want from the talks and give it to them back as what they demand as a reply< I know my personality have lots of good things but on the other hand in has some inside bad things that I cant control and try to hide to be the perfect person , but this things really needs to be fixed! I though I could actually stop writing about myself but maybe that is what personalizes me that the other talks.

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